Why you hate your life:

It’s been a while since I shared something like this.

Vulnerable. Real. I’ve been working so hard on myself that I’ve closed off from sharing my process.

And I’ve been so worried about how I brand my site.

And to some extent it’s important.

But I forgot the most important thing… actually sharing content.

I brainstormed the name of this site using 20x the amount of time I should have used.

In the end I’m thankful for the clarity I got in the search…

But I forgot to share with you real, deep blog posts like I used to.

And I’ve discovered why you hate your life.

So here I am, opening up about my journey towards a fulfilling and passionate life.

I’ve delved into the definition of this. What do I mean “passionate and fulfilling life?”

What does that look like. What does that feel like…

And I realized it’s a bit hard to define… Only because I don’t know about it except from a feeling standpoint.

Passion… it feels good. I know that.

It feels… easy and energetic. Excited… Like I’m in the flow.

And I know certain activities bring me this feeling.

And certain people.

And certain places…

But how can I extract this feeling, distill it, and engineer a life which brings the most of this feeling into it?

And would such a life be desirable anyway?

Would I WANT to be energetic ALL the time? Like a husky cooped up in a cage? Or a maniac on steroids excited about life?

No… So then an ideal life isn’t “passion ALL the time!”

It’s more like “Balance…”

But even “Balance…” is too vague. Balance when taken the wrong way can be boring… Old. So let me define it for you:

Quality number 1 of a passionate life:

Balance

My mentor Matt Pocius had a saying he’d say often… He goes into more detail, but to paraphrase, he says a 10-second soundbite from Bill Gates on how to become rich is going to be extremely inaccurate and simplistic.

But a 10-week seminar would be much more accurate and nuanced.

So most of the “be passionate!” “a good life is a passionate life!” are the 10-second soundbites of the self-help world.

They’re not wrong but there’s much more to it.

Two quotes sum up the right attitude towards living passionately, taking into account the balance that needs to be had without sacrificing direction:

“Do not hurry. Do not rest.” ~Goethe

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.


Quality number 2 of a passionate life:

Adventure

Life at its best is an adventure. And every adventure needs its goal.

Even an aimless exploration of the American West like Louis and Clark did in 1803 wasn’t so aimless… They had a task – and their task was to explore and report what they found in the newly bought land from the Louisiana Purchase.

“So Joe, how the hell does Louis and Clark help me with my own life?”

First let me get to why you hate it.

You’re too attached.

You’re stuck in structure.

You’re married to things you think you owe your family. Your friends. Your lover.

You think you have to live up to their expectations.

And you’re building so much resentment.

You do the thing you think they want for you, because hopefully, you hope, they will like you more for it.

You give them a piece of your life in hopes they’ll give you some validation, or love, or comfort and security.

But at the same time you’re taking it from yourself. You’re creating the hole you want them to fill.

So, what is your adventure?

If your adventure is “How do I not piss anyone off too much?” then your life will be appropriately boring.

But if your life is “How do I live a life I find passionate? How do I build passion into everything I do?” then your life will reflect your adventure.

Too many of us (and me in the past) get stuck worrying about what others will think of us… Our friends, our family, our lovers.

I dropped out of college at the behest of my family when I realized I didn’t care about my degree or the corporate world and that I wanted to travel, create content and craft things.

I didn’t (and I still don’t) know how exactly this will support me, but I didn’t (and still don’t) care all that much.

The thing is, I am the sole person I have to live with. And when I’m doing what I love I’m much more present with all those I care about. I get my emotional sustenance from the things I do, and I need less from those around me. I’m more present and available.

Not to say there aren’t hard times. I almost got arrested in Colombia by a corrupt hostel owner. I almost got conned out of all my valuables by a silver-tongued homeless guy in Medellín a few weeks later. I almost froze to death on the streets of Riga, Latvia when I got kicked out of my hostel, but a wonderful and warm woman allowed me into her life and her home.

But the thing is I regret none of it.

Regret only comes from the things you don’t do. And I have those – I wasn’t always so “Yes Man” about life.

It never comes from the things you choose to do, even if it goes horribly awry.

And sometimes I still am not so “Yes Man.”

But there was a time in my life where I saw two movies… “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” and “Yes Man” and I took them as guidebooks to life.

This got me:

  • My first girlfriend

  • Two presidencies at Rutgers clubs

  • On the Rutgers Quiddich team

  • The most magical week of my life in Israel, galavanting with a gorgeous local exploring Tel Aviv

  • And so much more.

If you haven’t seen those movies, go do it. Now.

Links below for your convenience… I get a commission because how else am I going to write about passionate shit and help you out?

(If they don’t show just reload the page and they will.)

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And the book too in case you want to read it instead:

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If you’ve seen them, you know what I mean. Adventure. Shucking of structure towards something new and attractive.

But you feel a hesitance, there’s a part of you that wants to scream out! A part of you that wants to let loose and explore the world!

Or maybe when I bring up the idea of adventure you think “I’m too old!” or “I have too may responsibilities!”

What do you mean “responsibilities?”

Why don’t you have a responsibility to your own life’s enjoyment? Why isn’t that most important to you?

If, by responsibility, you mean you have no choice – you’re mistaken.

You may have a family, a wife/husband, a job.

And if you feel those things are blocking you from enjoying your life I have bad news for you…

You chose them for the wrong reasons.

I chose to drop out of college. It was a hard choice. My family almost cast me out.

Angry calls back and forth were the norm. I’d get into arguments with most of my family for years afterwards. And my girlfriend, who was gorgeous, super smart, adventurous and fun wanted me to stay in college, so I had to sacrifice our relationship too and move on with my life.

But did I ever regret dropping out?

Briefly, in times where I barely had enough money to buy a jar of peanut butter to last me for the week, I’d regret it – but only out of hunger.

Never did I regret it any other time.

Because I decided to follow my heart, and it’s a decision I have to make every day.

Because sometimes I forget my heart. It’s like a relationship – every day you recommit to living passionately, or it fades away.

How can you build that for yourself?

You are the result of the 5 people you spend the most time with, so fill your life with my videos, podcasts and blog posts – that way you’ll at least have 1 passionate person sharing their life with you on the reg.

  • Watch the two videos above. Great examples of people who felt stuck, frustrated and bored with life and broke out of it.

  • And keep your eye out for my emails/videos/podcasts.

The more you read, watch, and listen about passion the more you’ll discover it in your own life.

Till the morrow,

~Joe

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